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Birthday, Wedding, and Memorial Day – and randoms… May 27, 2009
Sunday afternoon John and I went to Freddie and Brian’s wedding. Freddie and I have been friends since she moved here from Germany in Middle school We had such a wonderful time. A few of my friends from high school (some I have known since we were 4…) were there and it was a fun time to catch up. One friend that was there we found out is expecting and another engaged – so it was a fun night to celebrate!
A bittersweet experience May 10, 2009
So, it’s Mother’s Day and all week I have been thinking about what I would post on this day. Its such a bittersweet day because its my very first year to celebrate being a mother, yet I am a childless mother. Its crazy how a day like this, a day to celebrate, is yet another day to remind me that Hudson is not here. Its a day that slaps me in the face telling me I am a childless mother. I know I am a mom and I know others know I am a mom, but I think this is the hardest kind of mom to be. A mom that lives everyday knowing that her child is gone and never coming back.
A bittersweet experience May 9, 2009
So, it’s Mother’s Day and all week I have been thinking about what I would post on this day. It’s such a bittersweet day because it’s my very first year to celebrate being a mother, yet I am a childless mother. It’s crazy how a day like this, a day to celebrate, is yet another day to remind me that Hudson is not here. It’s a day that slaps me in the face telling me I am a childless mother. I know I am a mom and I know others know I am a mom, but I think this is the hardest kind of mom to be. A mom that lives everyday knowing that her child is gone and never coming back.
Just an FYI… May 6, 2009
I am trying to combine my other online journal onto this blog – basically it started when John and I got married, so if you see posts on here that are randomly dated now you know! I feel it might be easier to have everything in one place =)
Could you Imagine? May 5, 2009
This past weekend I had a bachelorette party to go to. John went to the bachelor party for the same couple as well. Mine wasn’t too far away – about 45 minutes and it was on the beach, so I was looking forward to relaxing and having a girl’s weekend. I had a great time, but there were some weird moments…
During the first part of the weekend one of the girls kept talking about kids – fine no problem. I didn’t want to make these new friends uncomfortable (I knew 2 girls and then 3 were girls I had never met before) so I did not say anything about having Hudson. Well, at one point she was talking about her sister-in-law and how when their baby was born he was rushed away and had to have all kinds of tests and was at a different hospital. During the story her exact words were, “could you imagine giving birth and then having your baby taken right away from you?”. I had to bite my tongue – I wanted to say, yes I know exactly what that’s like, but at least their baby was alive and they would get to keep their baby unlike me. Instead I just sat there not saying a word.
Later that night we went to eat – some yummy seafood – and we were talking about oysters and I mentioned something that we had an oyster roast for my sister’s birthday and I didn’t eat any. Well, my friend asked if I ate oysters or if I just didn’t eat them because I couldn’t at the time. I told her I didn’t like them, but that I stayed away from seafood the whole time. One of the girls asked if I as pregnant and I said no, I was. She looked really confused – as did the rest of the table, so I told them the story and told them not to feel sad, that I am ok and I believe that God has a plan for my life. I am actually grateful that my friend sort of approached the subject and I was finally able to get it all out and they all would know about Hudson. Sometimes I don’t know how to bring him up because as much as I enjoy talking about him it makes others uncomfortable.
The rest of the weekend was fun as well – we went to the beach, laid by the pool, and then went out for the night. I remained the sober sister with my friend the DD and danced the night away. I forgot how disgusting bars could be though…girls throwing themselves at guys with the booty shaking dance moves, girl on girl dancing, and barefooted woman running rampent.